Life Goes on!

Review of the last 25 years:

Since the passing of Lindy and the difficulty of overcoming such a devastating void, I had to finally look behind me and see what life actually brought to me.

My daughter Melissa was born five months after Lindy died, she did not come quickly nor was it a long and painful labor, just the hospital I happened to be at seemed to be more concerned with their own lives than they were with a young 22 year old in labor. So anesthesia was not a factor in Melissa's birth! They just did not believe me when I told them I was having her and that I could feel her head! No, they just kept talking about their home lives and everyone else around them. Low and behold by the time I convinced them to check me, AH HA, Melissa was almost born!

This sweet, beautiful, strawberry blond twin to her sister was born and gave me a reason for not going to the same grave as Lindy was in.

I was quite protective over her for many, many, many years. The last "many" is still going on, only now she is 25 and thinks she doesn't need mom anymore. As I did at 25 with my own mother. She will find out later that the need is mutual!
I watched her like a hawk would watch for prey, she was never too far out of my sight, and I couldn't wait to pick up her everyday from daycare. This weighed heavily on me for years, I could not stand to have her in daycare and yet we had to survive on two incomes. When she was five I quit my full time job and started a cleaning business so I could be with her before and after school and my husband and I continued this until she was old enough to stay by herself. She was never without one of us from then on. There were times my sister would keep her during the summer and I know she hated this but as all good moms know, they are not ready to be on their own until "We say they are".

My husband and I moved from the suburbs to the country when she was nine. The small town we were in was growing but it was not small enough for us. We wanted Melissa to have the kind of life we had growing up and so the "boredom" of country life began and here we still are. Once you get there you will never go back. Melissa grew up like any other in this generation. We had our times with school, boys, etc.. but nothing extreme. She left with "a love" interest at 19 and married ( while mom and dad kept trying to talk her out of it), yet when your "in Love" only love prevails. So, five years later she is back home, divorced with the world's best grand son & grand daughter now!

I can't say we are happy about it but life isn't over with yet. The marriage might not of been what we expect at 19 but you can never say the children are not worth it. My grand son and grand daughter are truly the apple's of my eye. I adore both of them, and Melissa is hard worker. The divorce has given her some life challenges herself that only she can overcome. I try to let her do this on her own. Mom's advice at this point in her life means nothing. We all have to find our own path and now she sees this. She has had to endure quite a lot of hardships in the last 2 years but I see a new person emerging and slowly, very slowly the person I have always believed she was is peeking through the door of maturity.

What I am getting at here is that Life goes on. If I had crawled in with my Lindy which was all I wanted to do at that time, I would not be here, now.

Melissa would not of been, my grandson and granddaughter would not of been. My Legacy is continuing with these wonderful people that I helped put on this earth, not in it.

You see, Melissa was also my miracle child. I did not know this at the time, but if I was not pregnant with her at that exact time in my life, she would not of been born!

When I found out I was pregnant I was 3 months along. I found out because I was having some abdominal pain and went to my family doctor. In checking me he felt "the bump" and after examining me confirmed that I was pregnant. Although into the next day after this confirmation visit the abdominal pain just worsened and I was admitted to the hospital the next day. The first hospital I was at could not figure out what was wrong and kept asking me to abort the baby and "maybe" that would take care of the pain. They thought I was having a tubal miscarriage. My family transferred me to another hospital and within an hour I had my appendix out! Pain gone! Baby saved because I refused to abort her. Now Lindy was still with us at this time and her grand mother was caring for her while we were enduring this. But six weeks later she was gone. And many years later when we could not conceive anymore, I found out my tubes were blocked from the appendicitis. I went through the procedures at the time to open them back up but nothing seemed to work. So we decided Melissa was it and she has blessed us with two more. How can I not love where my life is now.

Life is funny, sad, complicated and exhilarating. The door of life slams shut in front of our faces so many more times than it seems to be open. But continue to reach for the knob of life. Turn the door and see what is beyond. Don't stay behind that closed door because your life is not over with yet. Your legacy will continue and right now, today you may can not see it but it is there. Life has more surprises for you, more challenges yes, but also some fantastic rewards.

My life isn't over with yet. I'm just beginning another chapter and 25 years ago I could not see that there was any sense in even looking ahead. My ole my what I would of missed!