Basking in the sunlight

In our years of mourning we tend to hold on to the grief, it seems that is what we feel is all we have left of the child we loved so dearly. We create memorials inside our minds, on paper, on the internet, anywhere. Sometimes you may come across a toy, book or even another child that may render a memory of your angel and you initialize a small smile on your face then erase it quickly because you immediately brought back the fact that they are no longer with you. Immense sadness creeps in, guilt and you are back into the sad world again longing for what you no longer had. "Now read on," this is only to see if you connect. I know I did for years and years.

Have you ever thought of how lucky you were?

Did you realize that you were given the gift of becoming that child's mother! You are the only one that can say that! No one else can say that they were lucky enough to BASK IN THAT CHILD'S LIGHT. Only you!

You were given the gift of being that child's biggest love. Bask in that for a minute. How wonderful, how amazing is it to know that you were chosen!

We all know that our time here on earth is just ticking. None of us know when, some of us live for many long years, some half of that, and yes some are very short and we do not understand, but choose to remember how that child brought you joy.

Start remembering the things that made you laugh and take that smile all the way across your face. Go with it, stop feeling sad at this point, they did something for you while they were here, bask in this.

Now really laugh! Think about that for a moment.
Why should we bury every single memory or memorialize it. No, I'm done with that.

I choose to relate that I was the lucky one. Lindy's life was short and I grieved for a very long time. I now remember how conniving she was, how extraordinary her little mind was, *(I'll relate some of her antics) and she could win so many hearts and friends. I remember how cute she was, how she was always looking for some one to play with. I can so go on now because I no longer choose to be in that black hole. I choose to bask in her sunlight!

What she brought to my life was wonderment and enlightenment:

* She was walking at the age of 9 months to my amazement.
* She was crawling out of her crib at the age of 12 months!
* She was climbing fences at the age of 18 months.
* She could steal a smile from you while you disciplined her!
* She made friends with everyone that came up to her.

One memory I like to tell is the day a neighborhood boy came over to play. They had every single toy dumped on her floor, a total mess. It was time for him to go home and when I walked into her room and saw the mess, I told them they needed to pick up the toys and I left to finish tending to dinner. I went back in a few minutes later and the little boy was down on the floor picking up the toys and putting them in the box, while Lindy was sitting on the bed directing him as to which one to pick up next!

I remember when she was three and kept getting into the candy. Her energy level was high to begin with, so I had decided to put the candy on top of the icebox. A good place, too high for her to get to and usually out of sight, out of mind, right! Well, not for one that was notorious for getting what she wanted. A few days went by and I thought that was that, no more candy or at least only as I gave it out. No, not my daughter. I was busy around the house one day when I walked back into the kitchen to find the bottom cabinet opened and Lindy standing on the counter top with candy in hand! The candy bucket was in her other hand.

Her father was her buddy, she had him wrapped up so tight around her little finger that you couldn't pry it off. This is a good memory, I took this as grief for some reason for many years because I wanted to be that buddy. I was her disciplinary and her teacher and her maid but I was also HER MOTHER! Me. Only me. When she woke up in the middle of the night she came and climbed onto MY side of the bed! She brought all of her boo boos to me. I was the one who knew what she liked and what she didn't like. Me, only me.

One other memory, (she must be working here with me!) it just popped in my head. She was in day care for a while and they just loved her. I remember how I would lay her clothes out every morning on her bed, wake her up, then go and fix her breakfast. There were generally some mommy and daughter early morning antics because of how stubborn she could be over what she wanted to wear and what I would have set out for her to wear, of course I always won, at least for a while I always thought I won!

We did this Monday through Friday when I went back to work. This one particular morning didn't seem out of the ordinary for me, until I picked her up from day care that afternoon and she had on a different set of clothes. Completely unmatched, they were her clothes but the shorts did not go with the top and I knew I didn't have that at the day care as an extra set of clothes. I guess her teacher saw my bewilderment at the mismatched set and confusion and Lindy certainly was not giving anything away, then her teacher came up to me and said she was their comedian every day in style. She preceeded to tell me that no sooner do I drop her off and leave that she starts to strip off the clothes (that I had layed out for her to wear mind you) and reveal an entire outfit underneath, of course of her own choice! Her teacher tells this to me while laughing because apparently this is DAILY!

Lindy at the age of three during this time, apparently learned how to get over on dear old mom and that was to put on "my clothes" over what she wanted to wear! Do you see what I mean by "conniving".

The stories are to put a smile on your face, these are just my recollections, of course there are more. What are yours? Add a comment here, let's see how many funny memories you have. This is the place of sunshine to remember the best, to bask in their glow. Let it go, bring it here! Let everyone know how lucky your were to be THAT MOM!